i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Randomize
