yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
