He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
