she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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