She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
