he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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