You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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