it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
