if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
