Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Just pee around me
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
