I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
