I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
