You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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