The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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