Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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