he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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