so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
