You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
