mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You're a waste of cheezeits
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize