Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
There's always time for handjobs
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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