Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
