My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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