No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
