I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize