We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
