tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
