i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
