We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
