oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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