Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize