it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
