Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
