I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
