Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
