I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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