The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
