allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize