so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
i think i just lost a toe
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
