She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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