it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
