You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
