I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
