so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
