My first STD was from a foam party
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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