As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
