All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I have feelings that need drinking.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
