Screwed.edu
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
