at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
