She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
A bitchslap is in order.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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