And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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