Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
