**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
