You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
