Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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