do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
