do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize