He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
