just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
