It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He passed out mid-signature
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
