So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
