textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
