I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
