put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
