If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
